w.o.r.d.s.
Wednesday, June 29, 7:40 p.m.
music: Lisa Germano - From A Shell
mood: 
I'm brain dead.
Alright, so last night me and the ladies all got piss drunk at Bunks place.
Well there was many other people there as well...
Why? It was the Scott Aftergrad kinda deal...a small aftergrad.
I drank a bottle of vodka...I got two hours of sleep.
It was rad!
I'm extremely tired right now, so tiiired.
Craig met a shitload more of my friends, he bonded with Jordan because they both wish they were Lil'Jon. I bonded with some girl I don't know because we were DRUNK.
Me and Kiaro stumbeled around basically the whole night taking retarded pictures, calling each other and everyone else "baby" telling people we loved them...falling down.
Mee and Craig went to pick up Chantelle from Tim Hortons and it was rainting...I went without shoes of course. When I left, Bunk wasn't drunk. When I got back I hear this "BABY!!!!" and Bunk comes squealing up to me and hugs and rosey cheeked.
It was awsome.
I put my hand in Jordans pukey water though, and I didn't even care. Washed it off good. I then comforted him while he vomited more. And Coltin laughed at him and told him to WALK IT OFFFF!!!!
Jeff was there, that was cool. He used to be in my art class, Jamie and Ashley used to call him the Mysterious Man. Haha. What craziness.
I have his e-mail address...but I can't read it because he wrote it when he was drunk as a skunk.
This Chris Watson guy was trying to talk me into taking a job on a train...it was weird now that I think about it. Really strange.
I kissed everyone goodbye...hahahah.
Then me and Craig took off, saw Justin for a bit, he was drunk too. He sang me a Mindless Self Indulgence song and I have him my last shot of vodka. Then we took a picture and that was that.
I had roughly 3 hours of sleep...then me and Craig went to get the stitches out of his hand, only to find out it's infected and he needs medicine...
We came back to my house and slept for an hour or two more then made pasta. It was damn fine pasta.
Rebecca wants to do mush on Canada Day. I don't know if that'll be happening though. I have no money bah. Otherwise I would go an hallucinate with some fireworks. Weeee. And play with my glitter jar and be all like, "Whoooa my hands are growing maaaan *giggles nervously*"
Cierra is all about wanting me to go out tonight...but so are JayJay and Craig...frankly I'm wayyyy to lazy for this.
I think I'll just settle back, watch The Notebook and eat food.
Saturday, June 25, 11:41 p.m.
You could've at least called you know.
, 4:15 p.m.
When I was hunting through bmezine I came across an article called The Darker Side Of Self-Injury. It was written by some random subscriber, but a lot of what she said fits so perfectly to my reasons...fellings etc that I've decided to post some of it.
http://www.bmezine.com/ritual/A50622/rittheda.html That's the link to the whole article. I'm just putting chunks...quotes...whatever.
"nothing that I have ever done to my body has been planned in advance, it is more like a trance that takes over my body and mind."
"Ever since that time I have been a walking façade. I have become a master at appearing "normal" for the general public and almost every friend I have ever had. I suppose that the psychological term "self-injurer" applies to me. According to my readings these unstructured cutting episodes are a result of not having better coping mechanisms. I do not think that anyone really has the answer."
"It was an obsession. It was all that I could think about if I was allotted any time to myself. I made sure to do everything in my power not to give in to the desire but once my constant companion, depression, would hit a severe low it was almost a way of committing a mock suicide. Not many would understand this, but I believe that it kept me alive. The cuts were superficial, nothing that I would ever have to have emergency medical attention for, at least. I kept my cuts secret from the world. They were mine and mine alone. A cutting incident would usually keep me from cutting again for some time. It was enough for me to feel the sting when I made contact with anything or to look at the cuts that I had made. My wounds would heal."
"I needed the pain to stop. I needed my mind to shut down and the cutting gave me that power. It drowned out everything else but the objects of my affection at the time which were my blade, my skin and my blood. I had control."
Sometimes I wonder what's so wrong with using this as a coping technique. And sometimes I knew what's so wrong with it.
I have the word precious carved into my wrist to remind me that when I fall, I fall hard.
, 12:55 a.m.
I was the word precious carved into my wrist because when I fall, I fall hard.
Tonight some 9 year olds tried to sell my ritalin. Would've bought it if I had know...if I had a dollar.
I'm tired right now...not from lack of sleep. And I'm fighting the urge to play with a pair of scissors. Sometimes I just don't have the energy. And I think tonight I don't have the energy.
It's amazing how little respect there is for the loved ones. I question whether or not they really matter in the end. Most likely not since it usually comes down to yourself.
Things are changing really fast and I'm scared to walk away, but not too scared that it'll stop me.
You have to question what you really want. Because if you don't I'll be so far out of your reach it'll suprise even me.
I've got to keep my hands busy.
It's a good thing it's illegable.
Friday, June 24, 4:50 p.m.
music: motorcycle: as the rush comes
mood: 
Well I'm sleepy.
I'm not used to this being out all day running around then going out all night and running around. I have more skeeto bites than is healthy. I've probably got West Nile by now. With any luck that is...
Last night a bunch of us went to play pool at The Break. Rebecca and Geoff are so cute, awwweee. Haha. And Craig and one of his friends tried to teach me how to actually play pool. Haha, that worked so well. Psh.
Dylan and his friends were also playing pool there at the time so Craig and all his friends were out for blood. Fortunately, nothing happened. I was a little worried because it was obvious that Dylan was drinking...and I definately remember the joys of how he acts when he's been drinking.
I don't think he even recognized me though since my hair is different and I was with no one he'd know.
Anyways, me and Nikki went out again today to oggle men and scream at squirrels and birds...fucking birds. "STOP WALKING LIKE THATTTTT!" was screamed many times.
The slurpee I have is giving me a wonderful headache and I want a nap.
Part One of my Techno Doom CD is finished. Finally.
Hopefully I'll have time to finish the second part. It's so sexy it makes me squeal. Weeee.
Annnd that is all.
Tuesday, June 21, 7:28 p.m.
music: Just the sounds of Sex In The City
mood: 
Eeee today was fun.
Since Craig was at the hospital until like...1:30 he didn't go to work cause his hand was killed.
So him and JayJay came and picked me up and I met Whitey (who Mandy thinks is hot...I don't get that though. Seemed skeevy to me.)
I have a burn on ONE of my shoulders, and only one.
Stupid...burns.
Anyways, I have my last final tomorrow. I'm going to bomb it horribly. Like most of my finals. Gah.
Andddd that's really all I've got to say.
Today was so hot. Eeeee.
Monday, June 20, 10:53 p.m.
music: sugarcult - pretty girl
mood: 
So Craig is currently bleeding all over the General Hospital since he cut his hand at work.
He's been there for 5 hours and isn't feeling too good. I wish I had gone with him to the hospital, but he has Jay Jay there.
I'm kinda tired right now, I have an easy final to do tomorrow. Which is sexy.
I can't believe that school is like...over and done with.
Anyways, I really wish I was at the hospital right now. This is making me sad. :(
Sunday, June 19, 10:37 p.m.
music: Wednesday 13 - Bad Things
mood: 
Awweee this weekend was so fun and I'm in such a mushy little girl mood. Yay!
I got really really drunk on Friday, it was super. I love when people give me vodka. Jay Jay made me snort more...and it didn't hurt at all. But I was laughing so hard (don't remember why) it took me like 5 minutes to actually do it.
Rebecca and Geoff seemed to get along...rather well. Heh...heh...heheheh. Yesss it was quite cute.
The ladies (Rebecca and Jasmin) came out to Craigs last night with a buncha other people. There were some fine BBQ'n times. Many pictures were taken, many pointless pictures.
Craig told me he loved me and I think I died a bit. It was glorious. I'm so happy right now.
And tonight we had supper with his parents. I was horribly HORRIBLY shy. I wanted to crawl under the table. His dad is super mellow and nice, and his mom is nice too but she makes me nervous.
Signal by DJ Fresh is the sexiest song in the world!
Tomorrow I have my art final, I'm finished my project and it sucks. Booo :(. Oh well. I don't know what I'm going to say about it...ahhh.
I also have my law final, defiantely forgot everything at school and so I couldn't study. Smaaaarrrt child I am.
Oh well, I can pass the class anyways.
Wee
Thursday, June 16, 7:35 p.m.
This week is sucking horribly. It's like...crap piled upon crap piled upon CRAP. It's really quite glorious. I think it's time for more Advil to make the STABBING PAIN GO AWAY. One more bottle will do.
Fuck. ASS.
Wednesday, June 15, 5:10 p.m.
Sooo I've really got nothing to say but I'm updating anyways! I am hungry. Yes I am. Hungry hungry hungry...
Saturday, June 11, 8:36 p.m.
music: No siirrrr, watching Pilot Guides. Seeeexy.
mood: 
I'm really lonely right now. I miss people...I think it's because I know that soon I'll be away from everything I know. The idea of moving is kind of becoming a reality. And it makes me lonely.
I don't know what's going to happen, who's going to stick around. It's weird...things used to be so normal.
Also, I'm suddenly in a possition where I'm emotionally vulnerable...I guess that's what you'd call it. I'm in a place where someone could potentially hurt me very badly. It's a scary thought because that's generally not the case. Usually I'm all...mean. Hah. I don't know.
It's stupid but I get sad thinking that I finally found someone who REALLY matters and now I have to leave.
Up until this point I have spent my whole life planning to leave. Dreaming of picking up and taking off, starting fresh, getting away from everyone and everything I know. Simply because I didn't have much to stay for...And now I have a reason to stay and all these plans are made that can't be stopped...and I have to leave.
I mean, I'm sure it'll turn out fine and I'm just being paranoid. I just think it's funny that this is how things are going.
I finally get my wish of leaving behind everything...and suddenly I don't want it so much.
 | You scored as Angry Eye. You are the angry eye. You hate most people in genral but if you could only pick one thing to hate...it would b those effing preps.
Angry Eye | | 70% | Dramatic Eye | | 60% | Crying Eye | | 40% | Sexy Eye | | 40% | Hurt Eye | | 40% | Starry Eye | | 20% |
What eye are you (Beautiful Pics) created with QuizFarm.com |
Sunday, June 5, 10:42 a.m.
music: shiny disco balls
mood: 
This is some goooood early morning techno.
"drugs, rock'n'roll, bad ass Vegas hoes, late nights, shiny disco balls"
Beautiful, really.
Soo my sickness is seeming to be getting better. I've been having vitamin attacks so hopefully I'll heal. I defiantely don't enjoy this...fucking throat. I need a new one.
It would appear the size of my blog thingy went big again. This makes me sadface, now you can't see as much of the pwitty background.
I really don't have much to say...Leanne moved out. My house feels really empty now. Especially since Dawn, Megan and Leanne were all here yesterday. When they're here things are so different. It's like there's an actual family living here. It's never as quiet and people are always laughing. I like it better that way.
Now it seems really empty.
Rosemary's Baby is on Scream, this movie is truly fuckered. It has such a nice rape scene between Satan and Rosemary...ew.
I got my hair cut yesterday to even it out since the guy who cut it before did it crooked. All the growth is gone now. :( That's not very cool. I was happy with how long is was getting. Oh well, at least I'm not lopsided anymore.
Also, the back is really short again. Eee. And the hairdresser attacked me with hairspray. My hair was like...crusted to my scalp.
Today I might go to Mosaic...probably not though. It just isn't that interesting anymore.
Friday, June 3, 8:36 p.m.
music: david bowie - bring me the disco king
mood: 
This lack of effort is really getting to me.
I'm just sitting around at home. I could be out, but instead I have to wait for people to come.
Now that I'm used to being out with people I really hate being alone.
Now it's like I need to be around someone to be happy...someone who I don't live with.
The people in this house just make me mean...I snap at everyone a lot lately.
I think maybe it's because things got good and now I have to leave.
But they're not really good...just in one area.
Everything else is rather fucked up.
Everyone else is becoming rather fucked up.
It's really hard to watch your friends slip into something you know isn't good for them.
My hands are freezing which is making typing rather difficult...soon I should wander up to my room. To fester in the piles of filthy clothes.
Tomorrow I have to go and get my hair cut (finally)
And on the 10th I go to S'toon to talk about my classes.
I really want fast food, drugs and razors.
Thursday, June 2, 1:41 p.m.
I'll write more later probably...