w.o.r.d.s.
Tuesday, January 31, 5:29 p.m.
Alright, first day of new semester...
It sucked.
My classes are going to be...bunk. For the most part.
The people in my classes...assholes for the most part.
But whatever, hopefully it wont feel like an eternity.
Monday, January 30, 11:15 p.m.
Back in Saskatoon.
Sleep pattern is fucked up from drinking all night, and...recovering all day.
Uhhh...I really have nothing on interest to say.
After nice binges such as this I feel pretty dead.
In every sense.
Sunday, January 29, 4:41 p.m.
I'm gonna be honest here.
I've been drinking since I got to Regina.
And I've officially pickeled all of my organs.
And my liver...well...it actually hurts.
That's not healthy.
Saturday, January 28, 12:24 p.m.
We made a scooner tower.
It ended badly.
Cheap beer and cigarettes everywhere.
I feel ill.
Thursday, January 26, 2:19 p.m.
My theory on people is this.
After you get the first impression...it's a series of disappointments while getting to know them until you finally figure out what kind of person they really are.
Wednesday, January 25, 9:02 p.m.
Last final tomorrow.
Got a pair of like $120 boots for $19.
Leaving for Regina tomorrow, I'll be back Monday.
Then, first bit of first semester.
On the 9th I go to Vancouver.
I get back on the 14th.
My grad dress is picked out and ready to be bought.
Hair and makeup has been figures out, appointments can be booked.
And I found a great pair of shoes for really cheap.
Tuesday, January 24, 5:37 p.m.
Oh. My. God. <---total valley girl moment going on.
My stepmoms car smells like someone ACTUALLY took a huge fucking SHIT in it.
And that's probably why she wants ME to drive it to the car place to get it detailed.
Fucking...ew.
, 3:10 p.m.
Rage makes the typing sloppy.
Ahhh my stepmother is retarded.
There's the normaly way of doing something...then there's the Therese way.
With 60 extra steps added and 100 pointless problems.
Sunday, January 22, 2:22 p.m.
I find it rather funny that at 18 you're finally deciding to be a "parent".
That at this age you think it's a good time to jump into my life and start controlling me.
I don't think I would be as bitter about this had you been around for the previous years, you know, when it mattered.
Instead of leaving with my mom who didn't really do anything either.
If you honestly think that I need you at this point you're sorely mistaken.
And I would gladly clear things up for you..
You're a hypocritical asshole. You're a lier. You don't look at me like and adult, and you don't want me to make my own choices.
You're so fucking terrified that I've grown up and I'm going away.
Do you honestly think that you can change any of that? You can't.
And all you're doing is making me realize what a fucking joke you are.
You're a control freak, you think you're always right. And you don't know shit.
I would LOVE to tell you everything I've seen and done in my life so far, because you don't have a fucking clue.
And you can pout and guilt trip all you fucking want. It really doesn't work when I don't really like you in the first place.
Friday, January 20, 7:57 p.m.
I hate that you're never around.
And I hate that it makes me question my worth and appeal.
And I hate that I don't trust you, that I can't talk to you.
Because no matter how you look at me, it's a dead look.
Thursday, January 19, 4:45 p.m.
It was my birthday on the 18th
I'm officially legal to make pornography.
I start finals on Monday.
FUCK finals.
Monday, January 16, 9:43 p.m.
It isn't that I look at them and see perfection.
Far from it. If they were perfect, I wouldn't be bothered by it.
I wouldn't bother.
It's because I look at them, and they're flawed.
There is no perfect.
And that's just it.
Because I'm so much worse.
So much more flawed.
And I don't even know if that makes sense.
Sunday, January 15, 3:25 p.m.
"There are so many hammocks to catch you if you fall, so many laws to keep you from experience. All these cities I have been in the last few weeks make me fully understand the cozy, stifling state in which most people pass through life. I don't want to pass through life like a smooth plane ride. All you do is get to breathe and copulate and finally die. I don't want to go with the smooth skin and the calm brow. I hope I end up a blithering idiot cursing the sun - hallucinating, screaming, giving obscene and inane lectures on street corners and public parks. People will walk by and say, "Look at that drooling idiot. What a basket case." I will turn and say to them "It is you who are the basket case. For every moment you hated your job, cursed your wife and sold yourself to a dream that you didn't even conceive. For the times your soul screamed yes and you said no. For all of that. For your self-torture, I see the glowing eyes of the sun! The air talks to me! I am at all times!" And maybe, the passers by will drop a coin into my cup."
-Henry Rollins
"Nothing Brings People together more, then mutual hatred"
-Henry Rollins
"The blues is losing someone you love and not having enough money to immerse yourself in drink."
-Henry Rollins
"I walk the straight lines. I walk through the summer nights. I walk the silver rope of dreams. I walk through dawns of dawns. There’s not a lot that isn’t dying. I see people parading in front of each other like insects in a killing jar, watching each other die. I walk the straight lines throught the Christ machines. Through the eyes of throwaway people. Through the wards and the shores and the cracks in the skulls of the sidewalks. Through love’s howling vacancy. I am the freedom soil. I dig my own grave. I resurrect myself every night. I am all things to myself. I walk the straight lines. I walk the spiders’s jailhouse. I walk the think line, the thin line, the white line and all the line in between. I wish I could trade in my eyes."
-Henry Rollins
"It is no surprise to me that hardly anyone tells the truth about how they feel. The smart ones keep themselves to themselves for good reason. Why would you want to tell anyone anything that's dear to you? Even when you like them and want nothing more than to be closer than close to them? It's so painful to be next to someone you feel strongly about and know you can't say the things you want to."
-Henry Rollins
"Don't do anything by half. If you love someone, love them with all your soul. When you go to work, work your ass off. When you hate someone, hate them until it hurts."
-Henry Rollins
"Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends."
-Tom Waits
"Don't you know there ain't no devil, it's just god when he's drunk"
-Tom Waits
"I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy"
-Tom Waits
"When you're taught to love everyone, to love your enemies, then what value does that place on love?"
-Marilyn Manson
"Is adult entertainment killing our children? or is killing our children entertaining our adults?"
-Marilyn Manson
"You should have to pass an IQ test before you breed. You have to take a driving test to operate vehicles and an SAT test to get into college. So why dont you have to take some sort of test before you give birth to children? When I am President, thats the first rule I will institute."
-Marilyn Manson
"I'll be there for you, as long as it works for me. I play a game, its called insincerity."
-Trent Reznor
"God has no religion"
-Mahatma Gandhi
"If you're my age, no one's trying to sell you anything except life insurance, hardcore pharmaceutical drugs, the hole in the ground, and "The Best of Sting," and when someone comes up to you and hands you "The Best of Sting," you realize that basically, somehow you are dead."
-Henry Rollins
"I will never say the things that I want to say to you. I know the damage it would do. I love you more than I hate my loneliness and pain."
- from Solipsist by Henry Rollins
"I'm not homophobic. I'm just as interested in your sex life as I'm interested in staring at a bucket of dirt for thirty years. I'm falling asleep already. I bet it makes you mad that you're all the same to me. Straight. Gay. Bi. You'll all the same. Boring. Nineteen piercings in your cock? Like to get tied up and beaten by some woman in black leather? Zzzzzzzzzz."
- from Solipsist by Henry Rollins
"If there was a god, he wouldn't let a guy walk right up and shoot you in the face now would he? That's right, now you get the picture. Truth burns doesn't it?"
- from Black Coffee Blues by Henry Rollins
"I can't talk to anyone. I'm the only one here. Alone in my head. I have no one to talk to and I know that's for the best somehow. When I'm by myself, I know that I'm in the right place because as long as I'm alone, I'm not making a damn fool out of myself. I could kick myself for all the times I thought I could ever.....Fuck it, I'm all alone."
-Henry Rollins
"This sort of behavior is left to the psychotic, dogmatic, fundamentalist believers you see on T.V. everyday letting off bombs and killing people in the name of God. Beliefs are dangerous. Beliefs allow the mind to stop functioning. A non-functioning mind is clinically dead. Believe in nothing."
-Tool
"Snort that coke, what a joke. Whose gonna wind up dead? You."
- Henry Rollins
Friday, January 13, 5:37 p.m.
Steph and I went dress hunting today at lunch and during 4th.
I tried on a huge, hot pink, poofy one. It was hideous.
I've found a dress that I'm in love with. It's very Beetlejuice.
If I can find it I'll get it. Then I'll let my hair grow really long and either go really dark or a lighter blonde. And wear my hair in loose curls.
FRONT
BACK
I love all the La Femme dresses. So pretty.
And then this is the backup dress.
I'm looking for the beetlejuice dress when I got to Vancouver if I can't find it here.
Wednesday, January 11, 8:34 p.m.
"Religion is the opiate of the masses." -- Karl Marx
"Winners don't do drugs." -- The FBI
, 5:48 p.m.
I just totally scarred Marlon good and perminently.
I didn't think the outcome would be so great.
I suprised myself.
Man am I ever pleased....
PS GOATSE
Sunday, January 8, 7:35 p.m.
Just when I thought I would sleep again.
I watched A Tale Of Two Sisters.
Saturday, January 7, 11:30 a.m.
I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me.
Friday, January 6, 10:40 p.m.
I feel so unbelievably empty right now.
And so sad.
, 7:42 p.m.
kyle and what exactly is a dream and what exactly is a joke? says:
o anal gapign hole-y night indeed
kyle and what exactly is a dream and what exactly is a joke? says:
hahah and the little hummer boy
kyle and what exactly is a dream and what exactly is a joke? says:
xxxmas rules
Thursday, January 5, 5:13 p.m.
Alright, so I'm doing good.
I cried this morning after he left, into my cerial.
And then, I almost started crying in Foods because Steph and Bree were all concerened and giving hugs and hugs always make me cry when I'm sad.
And then...randomly I started crying when I was watching the Cosbey Show.
Honestly, who does that? It's the fucking Cosbey Show.
I think PART of the reason that I'm being SO fucking emotional is that I'm sick and really run down.
I am really sad that Dylan left, but like...not THAT sad.
And when I'm with my friends I'm perfectly ok for the most part.
so yeah, I need to actually start sleeping...and not be so fucking deranged.
Anyways, today after school Julia, Steph and I all went over to Bree's place to cook our meal for our foods class.
It was fun but I'm super tired due to the not sleeping.
Annnnd now I'm doing laundry.
Yay...fun fun.
People should definately come home, because I don't want to be home alone.
Wednesday, January 4, 9:41 p.m.
Dylan is actually leaving for BC tomorrow morning.
6am.
He could be gone for as long as 3 months. And I wont even be able to talk to him on the phone.
I feel like...I dunno.
He says he has to go.
But he also said tons of camps are hiring.
Why go all the way to BC? To a camp that doesn't have time off, is work until you quit.
Where he can't even use a phone?
Actually...I guess even that I'm ok with.
It's just that, his original plan was to stay just until his first pay cheque, and to be calling other places in Alberta.
And now he wants to stay until the camp closes again, and is considering just...not coming home after that, but finding another camp right away.
I feel like I was an idiot to think I was anything but a time filler.
Amusment until he left Saskatoon again.
, 1:38 p.m.
Alright, as you can see...I changed my blog layout.
The comment's are gone, but there is a tagboard (which I believe is the 3rd X)
So feel free to tag away.
Ummm, I'm not finished editing it quite yet.
I need to change all the music in the player because it isn't to my taste.
That is all. Good day.
Tuesday, January 3, 12:56 p.m.
Ummmm...fuck.
, 1:07 a.m.
I am in a foul mood...and I cannot sleep.
I am tired though. Very tired.
And as usual, I am sick.
I am dreading going back to school...I really am.
I never knew what it was like to go to a truely...devestatingly bland school.
I don't even have art here.
Another semester seems a dreadfully long time...
Dylan will be leaving soon to work. And that is that.
Obviously, this doesn't please.
But there's no use speaking of this being it isn't something that can be changed.
I really need to start drinking more.
Monday, January 2, 5:31 p.m.
I'm going watch me some Ooey Gooey horror movies.
Sunday, January 1, 11:04 a.m.
"The ghost of what I was keep getting in the way"
I have no family.
I have no home.
I have no friends.
I have no aim, reason or hope.
