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“There are so many hammocks to catch you if you fall,
so many laws to keep you from experience.
All these cities I have been in the last few weeks make me fully understand the cozy,
stifling state in which most people pass through life.
I don't want to pass through life like a smooth plane ride.
All you do is get to breathe and copulate and finally die.
I don't want to go with the smooth skin and the calm brow.
I hope I end up a blithering idiot cursing the sun -
hallucinating, screaming, giving obscene and inane lectures on street corners and public parks.
People will walk by and say, "Look at that drooling idiot. What a basket case."
I will turn and say to them
"It is you who are the basket case. For every moment you hated your job,
cursed your wife and sold yourself to a dream that you didn't even conceive.
For the times your soul screamed yes and you said no. For all of that.
For your self-torture, I see the glowing eyes of the sun! The air talks to me! I am at all times!"
And maybe, the passers by will drop a coin into my cup.”
-Henry Rollins

i am...
nineteen
five foot nine
blonde
i dream...
constantly
i love...
night time
water
glitter
whispers
red lipstick
high heeled shoes
glamour

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Porcelain

Porcelain
Are you wasting away in your skin
Are you missing the love of your kin
Drifting and floating and fading away

Porcelain
Do you smile like a girl when you smile
Can you bare not to share with your child
Drifting and floating and fading away

Little lune
All day
Little lune

Porcelain
Do you carry the moon in your womb
Someone said that you're fading too soon
Drifting and floating and fading away

Porcelain
Are you wasting away in your skin
Are you missing the love of your kin
Nodding and melting and fading away

Little lune
All day
Little lune

Little lune
All day
Little lune

So after I get back from my trip I get to be trained at the copy centre a Staples. Which means...NO MORE CASH! I don't have to cash out again. Bwahahahah. Oh and I'll be working the graveyard shift which is from 10pm - 6am. I probably wont have much of a life but I don't really care. Because I'll be making a whoooole $ extra. That's right, dollar raise for being on graveyard.
It's pretty much the perfect shift because you're never awake when anything is open so it's mostly impossible to spend your money.
Except Starbucks...lots of coffee drinking.
And then also when we get back my sister is getting off graveyard and back onto daytime (sucker) because she's starting up school again.
So basically we're never going to see each other and it'll be fantabulous.
Oh and my friend Rebecca who works cash at Staples isn't getting any hours so she's talking to one of the managers about getting onto the graveyard shfit in the copy centre too. They lost a couple people and are in desperate need of hiring new ones so she's got a pretty good chance.
So it'll be fulltime hours 40 a weeeek at $9.55 an hour. That means I'll actually be able to making enough money to survive! HUZZAH! AND I GET TO BE LIKE A VAMPIRE!!! moreso...

Last day of real work before the summer trip starts.
Tomorrow I pack.
But we don't leave till like...Tuesday.
I'm having a fat day today...what the fuck.
I'm such a girl sometimes.

Sometimes I don't trust what will happen.
And sometimes I wish things were much simpler.

Ok. Oh my good LORD.
I got screamed at today. SCREAMED AT. By this psychotic old lady. Actually not just I, it was me and this other cashier.
The woman flipped out and we hadn't even done anything wrong.
She was just this senile old homofuck who couldn't spit out a coherant sentance because she clearly hadn't been taking her meds.
She got mad at us because she told us REPEATEDLY to do the wrong thing.
Anyways, we finally figured out her rants and did what she wanted.
Sooo after all that crap, she demands apologies from all of us. Even though she was the screamer and we had been all to patient with her.
Fuck. Customers.

So today we went to a random lake around Chilliwack. It was a pretty long drive, especially on the rugged dirt part that just about liquified all my organs (the Tracker isn't the most graceful vehicle) and then a long walk...around 20 minutes to this beach. The sand was soooo squishy and the water was suprisingly warm. Most lakes in BC are filled with snow runoff from the mountains and makes your joins ache with STABBING PAIN if you try to swim in them. This was pleasant...especially considering the hellfire weather we've been having.
It was the first time I've been comfortable temperature wise in roughly a week.
Plus getting out of the apartment for a day was pleasant too. Especially since it didn't mean leaving for work...which I'll be doing tomorrow.
The comfort that the lake brought is gone and it has left its mark. Horrible sunburn like you wouldn't believe. And yet my legs were not touched at all by the sun apperantly because they're still pasty as all hell. NOt even slightly pink.
Ahaha I almost forgot, the best part about the lake was all these weird little rivers and runoffs around it. The mud in them (andin the lake too) was soooo squishy and sinky. It was like quicksand. You could sink into it up to your knee's and lean like as farrrr back towards the water as you possibly could and it would hold you upright. Don't ask how we got out...it was tricky.
And now...I am burnt to a crisp. Oh yes.
Ikea phoned when we were gone, apperantly we're supposed to phone with our something...number. I would like to think that means they're sending me my bed, but it probably means they lost my order or something.
Soon the trip...SOON!

Holy FUCK is it hot here. Like...driving on the highway in the tracker without the top should cool you down, but the wind was hot. Like...HOTTUB hot. It killed.
It still hasn't cooled off yet and it's 10pm.
Everyone is just sweating buckets. You can't drinking enough water to keep up and my computer is struggling to survive.
I don't work again until Monday. Bwahahaha.

Some customer's should just be shot. In the face.
Not with something that kills that, but with a magical gun that implants the knowledge in their minds that they're complete and utter dickheads.
And then they will know how much everyone hates them.

The End.

Soooo I worked today. It was pretty alright. I hope I don't have to stay on cash too long, it's slightly a pain in the ass.
It's pretty easy for the most part...except when you have to do something retarded like a business cheque or like...this devil rebate thing. Gah. Brain explodey.
Beyond that, it's fairly simple.
Tomorrow I work 11 - 4, not to bad considering they weren't going to start me until September. Haha.
I'll have my own till tomorrow, hopefully Bal will still be around to help me when I fuck up royally.
The people are nice, the busses suck anal, and it's really hot here.
Apperantly it's supposed to get to +38'C here on the weekend. Grrreeeaaattttt. I might as well just die right now.

So on Tuesday I start work.
I wasn't going to be started in July but apperantly the big boss lady at Staples has decided that I be hired immediately and started right away because not starting me is stupid.
Apperantly this is a good thing.
This means I must brave the busses on my own. Damn confusing contraptions.
Tomorrow I have to go get my bank card and so hopefully I'll be able to use my account.
And tomorrow I must also verbally assault Ikea.
Those jerks.
Oh and just because lil' baby jesus loves me, I'll be working all day in uncomfortable dress shoes which will be even more uncomfortable because the skin has been mostly ripped off my feet because I'm retarded and wore the worst sandles EVER while walking to Ethical Addictions.

So today we all went to Pirates Of The Caribbean (by all I mean myself, Sarah and Phil) and it was pretty schnazzy.
I can't wait until the third one comes out, the second one left off with quite the cliffhanger.
In a couple more weeks I'm off on canoeing goodness and whatnot. Should be rather devilish.
Hmmm what else to say.
Still no furniture. Fucking Ikea. 5 days my ass. If that were true my furniture would've been here on like...the 5th of this month.
They should BURN IN HELL.
I've been reading far too much recently, I'm on my 5th book this week. Apperantly, 5 is the number.
Annnd that's all.

So like I was scratching my shoulder last night and I couldn't figure out why it sounded like miny bubble wrap.
Turns out it was the dried blister bubbles from my sunburn popping.
Now it's all flakey.
ewwwwww

So the whole not really existing thing in BC continues. Apperantly here you have to be 19 to open your own bank account? Things keep getting better and better.
You can vote but you can't have a bank account.
So I wont be starting work for awhile, they were going to start me right when I got here but that's no longer the case. I was going to be trained this month and then when I get back in September (I'll be gone for August as will me sister, it was discussed before I ever came out and Staples didn't care) I would get more hours and all the garbage.
July is a really slow month for the store though and there's just not enough hours to give to people. Plus, the manager who was promising me all these things is leaving to a different store so I'll just have to wait a little bit longer. I officially have 3 whole weeks of being lazy.
I think what I'll do is just scope out different businesses within walking distance that I might want to work at, figure out the bus scheduel, find someplace to volunteer for awhile (I can then add that to my resume).
It's not entirely a bad thing that I don't start work right away, I still have nowhere to sleep and my clothes are randomly sprayed about my room is a mass distruction sort of way.
And the buses are devilish.
Pretty soon we'll be heading up to Stanley Mission and going to the fishing camp, coming back and gearing up for the canoe trip and finally heading off for the roadtrip to the Yukon and Queen Charlotte Islands.
It should be fun and it's a good way to spend my last summer vacation.

So I got my computer set up. My room...not so much. Still no furniture.
Today I go in for my informal interview at work since I'm already technically hired.
But I don't have a bank accounts because I can't prove that I'm a BC resident because I can't get my BC drivers liscense until I'm off Saskatchewans graduated liscense program, otherwise I'll get put into BC's graduated liscense program which is longer and more annoying.
So I suck.
Oh well, with time everything will work out and for now I'll stay with stupid garbagey CIBC until Coast Capital will welcome me into their loving arms of credit union goodness.
Soon...the credit card.

P.S. I'm sitting here with no pants on (but booty shorts you perverts!) because it is SO UNBELIEVABLY HOT HERE! I am melting. And dying. And ddddyiiiinggg. And I really need to wash my clothes.

P.P.S. Here's some random pictures I took out through the car window.
From Saskatchewan to BC.













So I have no furniture...no bed.
But that's ok because I've got a floor.
Most of my shit is still in boxes because so far I have no where to put anything but I got a shelf and my computer is set up.
When the new scheduel starts up for work, I shall also start work.
I got my black pants and black shoes.
I'm a cashier.
And I have a new cellphone (1-778-240-2516)
That my dad will pay for until I get a fulltime position or a second/third job.
I can't wait until I get a bed. That'll be pure luxury.

I leave tomorrow for BC.
I just got back from the lake like...an hour ago but I had to shower for a really really long time to wash off 3 days of sickness (the bathtub at the cottage has turned into a breeding ground for spiders of every shape and kind. sick)
Annnywho, so I'll be leaving.
I'm currently trying to get ahold of Anja because I told her we'd chill before I left but that's not looking like it's gonna happen.
Oh well...can't always win.
Also, my cell phone is broken...not that it matters since I'm not taking it with me. But still...fuck machinery.
OH and my dad and his bitch drove off with my CLOTHING IN THE BACK OF THE CAR! So I'm sitting here in a towel, waiting for them to come back because he's not answering his phone either because he's a jackass. I mean honestly, who does that. I have no clothes. NONE.
I've never experienced this before.
Interesting.
So would I be at fault for just walking around naked? I mean, it's not really by choice.
I should go streaking.

paula
deepak



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