w.e.l.c.o.m.e.
get around using the links on the right
leave some love on the shout box
“There are so many hammocks to catch you if you fall,
so many laws to keep you from experience.
All these cities I have been in the last few weeks make me fully understand the cozy,
stifling state in which most people pass through life.
I don't want to pass through life like a smooth plane ride.
All you do is get to breathe and copulate and finally die.
I don't want to go with the smooth skin and the calm brow.
I hope I end up a blithering idiot cursing the sun -
hallucinating, screaming, giving obscene and inane lectures on street corners and public parks.
People will walk by and say, "Look at that drooling idiot. What a basket case."
I will turn and say to them
"It is you who are the basket case. For every moment you hated your job,
cursed your wife and sold yourself to a dream that you didn't even conceive.
For the times your soul screamed yes and you said no. For all of that.
For your self-torture, I see the glowing eyes of the sun! The air talks to me! I am at all times!"
And maybe, the passers by will drop a coin into my cup.”
-Henry Rollins
w.o.r.d.s.
Saturday, July 30, 9:46 p.m.
music: clutchI'm in Regina. I got in at 1...no word from my mom. It's 10 now...still no word. She doesn't know I'm here yet. The house felt weird when I got here. Messier than usual. Didn't smell right.
There's almost no food in the place. I'm really hungry but there's nothing to eat.
All of this is adding on to the hopeless feeling I have in the pit of my stomach.
Sometimes I wonder if she passed this down to me. And if she feels this too.
It took almost everything I had in me to get up off the floor to write this. It did take everything in me not to hurt myself. It's the only thing that I understand and it's like an addiction. Something I can't imagine ever stopping because...I guess it almost feels good.
I hate it here. This house. Fucking ridiculous...it's so sad and empty. I guess we have no one to blame but ourselves. It's just a building.
I've sat for so long on the couch just staring at nothing. Not thinking of anything but still someone having one thousand thoughts run through my head.
The people who think they know me the best, don't know me at all.
And when they think I'm the happiest I'm trying my hardest not to let them see what's really there.
There's nothing that I can do. No one is around on the computer, there's no TV to watch...my room is empty. No music. No food. It's really cold in here.
I'm so lonely right now but the last thing in the world that I want is someone around.
Even if I explained things to them they wouldn't understand. They'd look at me and they'd think I was full of shit...they'd blow it off.
Lately, the world in general has made me sick.
