w.e.l.c.o.m.e.
get around using the links on the right
leave some love on the shout box
“There are so many hammocks to catch you if you fall,
so many laws to keep you from experience.
All these cities I have been in the last few weeks make me fully understand the cozy,
stifling state in which most people pass through life.
I don't want to pass through life like a smooth plane ride.
All you do is get to breathe and copulate and finally die.
I don't want to go with the smooth skin and the calm brow.
I hope I end up a blithering idiot cursing the sun -
hallucinating, screaming, giving obscene and inane lectures on street corners and public parks.
People will walk by and say, "Look at that drooling idiot. What a basket case."
I will turn and say to them
"It is you who are the basket case. For every moment you hated your job,
cursed your wife and sold yourself to a dream that you didn't even conceive.
For the times your soul screamed yes and you said no. For all of that.
For your self-torture, I see the glowing eyes of the sun! The air talks to me! I am at all times!"
And maybe, the passers by will drop a coin into my cup.”
-Henry Rollins
w.o.r.d.s.
Sunday, October 9, 4:50 p.m.
My and Craigs relationship is finally finished.
I put off breaking up with him for so long because it just...felt so wrong. But at the same time I simply was no longer happy.
We hadn't talked for a month, and my entire life changed in that month...the relationship felt dead. But Craig is still so important to me, it killed to think that I would hurt him.
I still loved him as a friend, but the other aspect of our relationship wasn't there.
I would just like to say though, it was one of the best relationships I've ever had.
There were times when I thought it might last forever, and wanted exactly that.
Unfortunately people change, situations change, and even if we had stayed together this year. What about the next when I go somewhere else for university?
Maybe I'm just not mature enough, or ready to be able to deal with a long distance relationship.
Maybe Craig just really wasn't the person for me.
I'm currently feeling extremely guilty.
And I understand that his hurt is totally and completely justified and so is the fact that at the moment he probably hates me.
I just wish there was a way for him to not be hurt...I know it's not possible, but in a perfect world that would be the case.
