w.e.l.c.o.m.e.
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“There are so many hammocks to catch you if you fall,
so many laws to keep you from experience.
All these cities I have been in the last few weeks make me fully understand the cozy,
stifling state in which most people pass through life.
I don't want to pass through life like a smooth plane ride.
All you do is get to breathe and copulate and finally die.
I don't want to go with the smooth skin and the calm brow.
I hope I end up a blithering idiot cursing the sun -
hallucinating, screaming, giving obscene and inane lectures on street corners and public parks.
People will walk by and say, "Look at that drooling idiot. What a basket case."
I will turn and say to them
"It is you who are the basket case. For every moment you hated your job,
cursed your wife and sold yourself to a dream that you didn't even conceive.
For the times your soul screamed yes and you said no. For all of that.
For your self-torture, I see the glowing eyes of the sun! The air talks to me! I am at all times!"
And maybe, the passers by will drop a coin into my cup.”
-Henry Rollins
w.o.r.d.s.
Thursday, October 13, 10:38 p.m.
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:Why does JJ think I cheated on you?
CrAig BuEHLeR-Self-Proclaimed "Rock'n'Roll Gangster - so cold.... so very very cold says:necauese thats what i think
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:Well you're wrong.And if you knew me at all you would know that.
CrAig BuEHLeR-Self-Proclaimed "Rock'n'Roll Gangster - so cold.... so very very cold says:fuk you'
CrAig BuEHLeR-Self-Proclaimed "Rock'n'Roll Gangster - so cold.... so very very cold says:if you werenmt they why woukd u have brokin up wit me?
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:Because I didn't love you anymore. And I didn't want to date you anymore.
Because the relationship was dead in my eyes.
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:I broke up with you because I wouldn't cheat on you.
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:I wasn't going to keep a bullshit relationship going.
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:In the end, you're going to believe what you want to believe.
CrAig BuEHLeR-Self-Proclaimed "Rock'n'Roll Gangster - so cold.... so very very cold says:wat ever''
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:I broke up with you because you're so childish.
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:This is a prime example.
CrAig BuEHLeR-Self-Proclaimed "Rock'n'Roll Gangster - so cold.... so very very cold says:wat ever
CrAig BuEHLeR-Self-Proclaimed "Rock'n'Roll Gangster - so cold.... so very very cold says:i dont care
CrAig BuEHLeR-Self-Proclaimed "Rock'n'Roll Gangster - so cold.... so very very cold says:u do wat u want
CrAig BuEHLeR-Self-Proclaimed "Rock'n'Roll Gangster - so cold.... so very very cold says:i know i love you
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:No you don't. You're full of shit.
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:If you "loved me" you wouldn't be accusing me of things.
CrAig BuEHLeR-Self-Proclaimed "Rock'n'Roll Gangster - so cold.... so very very cold says:i just donr undwerstand why?
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:Just to make yourself feel better.
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:I broke up with you, LIKE I HAVE SAID, because I wasn't happy, we weren't even talking, because I found more cons that pro's.
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:I could go on and on and on.
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:You don't understand why because you wont listen to me.
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:Because you refuse to believe what I'm telling you.
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:And honestly, the shit I have to put up with from JJ is ridiculous.
CrAig BuEHLeR-Self-Proclaimed "Rock'n'Roll Gangster - so cold.... so very very cold says:i dont care anymore.. u do wat u wamt// but alll i know is i love u... and it qill take me a long timw to deal with this
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:Well accusing me of cheating isn't dealing with it.
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:I told you I didn't.
CrAig BuEHLeR-Self-Proclaimed "Rock'n'Roll Gangster - so cold.... so very very cold says:why are you like this?
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:Because you accused me of cheating and TOLD people that even though you have no proof. And even though I gave you my reasons for why I broke up with you.
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:Talking to you about this is one thing, but having to explain it to JJ is another.
CrAig BuEHLeR-Self-Proclaimed "Rock'n'Roll Gangster - so cold.... so very very cold says:welll quit trying to talk to me about this
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:Well quit spreading shit about me.
CrAig BuEHLeR-Self-Proclaimed "Rock'n'Roll Gangster - so cold.... so very very cold says:its hard enough
CrAig BuEHLeR-Self-Proclaimed "Rock'n'Roll Gangster - so cold.... so very very cold says:im not
CrAig BuEHLeR-Self-Proclaimed "Rock'n'Roll Gangster - so cold.... so very very cold says:its all jj
CrAig BuEHLeR-Self-Proclaimed "Rock'n'Roll Gangster - so cold.... so very very cold says:he feels for me
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:Oh fuck. This is ridiculous.
CrAig BuEHLeR-Self-Proclaimed "Rock'n'Roll Gangster - so cold.... so very very cold says:he knows wat im feeling
CrAig BuEHLeR-Self-Proclaimed "Rock'n'Roll Gangster - so cold.... so very very cold says:im sorryt
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:He doesn't feel for you, the entire time we were dating JJ would tell me all the things that you didn't want me to know.
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:And go behind your back.
CrAig BuEHLeR-Self-Proclaimed "Rock'n'Roll Gangster - so cold.... so very very cold says:but he speaqkes for me
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:It's bullshit.
CrAig BuEHLeR-Self-Proclaimed "Rock'n'Roll Gangster - so cold.... so very very cold says:im sorrry
CrAig BuEHLeR-Self-Proclaimed "Rock'n'Roll Gangster - so cold.... so very very cold says:but i dont know ewat 2 ssay u've vee beliving alll my friends except me why?!?!?!?
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:Because they all have the same story. And you were never there to tell me otherwise.
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:Because you've lied to me before.
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:And they haven't.
CrAig BuEHLeR-Self-Proclaimed "Rock'n'Roll Gangster - so cold.... so very very cold says:i just dont get wby u beeedumping me for beliving my friends except me the one whos beeen doing a,llll tbhesee yhingd u tyhin hs haas beebnse lieing to you all thesee tyinwerse
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:And like you just said, JJ speaks for you.
CrAig BuEHLeR-Self-Proclaimed "Rock'n'Roll Gangster - so cold.... so very very cold says:wat eveer
CrAig BuEHLeR-Self-Proclaimed "Rock'n'Roll Gangster - so cold.... so very very cold says:uf yiou belive jjj fine
CrAig BuEHLeR-Self-Proclaimed "Rock'n'Roll Gangster - so cold.... so very very cold says:wat ever
CrAig BuEHLeR-Self-Proclaimed "Rock'n'Roll Gangster - so cold.... so very very cold says:if u dint love ,e fine
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:I didn't say I didn't ever love you.
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:I said I don't anymore.
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:I used to love you.
CrAig BuEHLeR-Self-Proclaimed "Rock'n'Roll Gangster - so cold.... so very very cold says:just please phone me and tell me
CrAig BuEHLeR-Self-Proclaimed "Rock'n'Roll Gangster - so cold.... so very very cold says:i neeed tp know
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:Need to know what?
CrAig BuEHLeR-Self-Proclaimed "Rock'n'Roll Gangster - so cold.... so very very cold says:nothing
CrAig BuEHLeR-Self-Proclaimed "Rock'n'Roll Gangster - so cold.... so very very cold says:obviously u dont love mw
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:This is stupid.
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:You don't listen to a word I say.
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:Good bye.
CrAig BuEHLeR-Self-Proclaimed "Rock'n'Roll Gangster - so cold.... so very very cold says:welll calll me!!!!!!!!!!
CrAig BuEHLeR-Self-Proclaimed "Rock'n'Roll Gangster - so cold.... so very very cold says:talk to me!!!!!!!
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:YOU DON'T LISTEN
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:You just call me heartbreaker.
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:And tell me I cheated on you.
CrAig BuEHLeR-Self-Proclaimed "Rock'n'Roll Gangster - so cold.... so very very cold says:i will !!!!!
CrAig BuEHLeR-Self-Proclaimed "Rock'n'Roll Gangster - so cold.... so very very cold says:because thats wat i think
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:WELL I'VE TOLD YOU YOU ARE WRONG
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:So talking to you is pointless.
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:Because you're going to think what you want to think.
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:I've answered every question you've asked.
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:And you don't believe me.
CrAig BuEHLeR-Self-Proclaimed "Rock'n'Roll Gangster - so cold.... so very very cold says:yes because thats wat u want me to think andf that wat i will tell you
CrAig BuEHLeR-Self-Proclaimed "Rock'n'Roll Gangster - so cold.... so very very cold says:because u dont love me
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:I broke up with you when I realized I no longer love you.
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:I did the right thing, I didn't lie to you.
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:I didn't cheat on you. I didn't try and sugar coat this.
CrAig BuEHLeR-Self-Proclaimed "Rock'n'Roll Gangster - so cold.... so very very cold says:welll them soooo be it
CrAig BuEHLeR-Self-Proclaimed "Rock'n'Roll Gangster - so cold.... so very very cold says:i just know i stilll love you and i know for as heartlesss as a person as you are this doesnt matter for you... if anything this gives you pleasure
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:That's a stupid thing to say.
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:This is why I wont phone you.
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:Because you're wallowing in so much selfpity it's pointless.
[eilla] :: yeah, remember i will always love you as i claw your fucking throat away. it will end no other way. :: says:Grow up.