w.e.l.c.o.m.e.
get around using the links on the right
leave some love on the shout box
“There are so many hammocks to catch you if you fall,
so many laws to keep you from experience.
All these cities I have been in the last few weeks make me fully understand the cozy,
stifling state in which most people pass through life.
I don't want to pass through life like a smooth plane ride.
All you do is get to breathe and copulate and finally die.
I don't want to go with the smooth skin and the calm brow.
I hope I end up a blithering idiot cursing the sun -
hallucinating, screaming, giving obscene and inane lectures on street corners and public parks.
People will walk by and say, "Look at that drooling idiot. What a basket case."
I will turn and say to them
"It is you who are the basket case. For every moment you hated your job,
cursed your wife and sold yourself to a dream that you didn't even conceive.
For the times your soul screamed yes and you said no. For all of that.
For your self-torture, I see the glowing eyes of the sun! The air talks to me! I am at all times!"
And maybe, the passers by will drop a coin into my cup.”
-Henry Rollins
w.o.r.d.s.
Friday, December 16, 4:27 p.m.
Sometimes I wonder why I bother. I can tell right away, when a guy likes me, that he's fucked right up. That there is never any chance or there being a healthy, happy relationship.
With Dylan...he's SO distant. It's like, I'm his girlfriend...but only when it's convenient for him. Otherwise I don't exist. He'll say to me, "I want to see you tonight. We're watching a movie." and that will be that. Otherwise he doesn't treat me like I'm anything more than an aquintance.
Sometimes when I'm with him and we're hanging out, other people there or not, he'll just go completely cold. Kako's even brought it up with me because she's noticed it before. It's like, something catches his eye and he's gone.
I've forced myself not to really care about him. Because otherwise I'm just hurt constantly. And it doesn't hurt me anymore, but it makes me angry.
I guess in the end it's my own fault. People will treat you however they want to unless you grow and spine and show them HOW to treat you. But I wont do that to Dylan. I know I wont, and that's my fault.
He was so different at first. But now it's like he doesn't care at all...I'm kind of looking forward to his leaving. Because then I can move on and it wont matter when he doesn't come back.
