w.e.l.c.o.m.e.
get around using the links on the right
leave some love on the shout box
“There are so many hammocks to catch you if you fall,
so many laws to keep you from experience.
All these cities I have been in the last few weeks make me fully understand the cozy,
stifling state in which most people pass through life.
I don't want to pass through life like a smooth plane ride.
All you do is get to breathe and copulate and finally die.
I don't want to go with the smooth skin and the calm brow.
I hope I end up a blithering idiot cursing the sun -
hallucinating, screaming, giving obscene and inane lectures on street corners and public parks.
People will walk by and say, "Look at that drooling idiot. What a basket case."
I will turn and say to them
"It is you who are the basket case. For every moment you hated your job,
cursed your wife and sold yourself to a dream that you didn't even conceive.
For the times your soul screamed yes and you said no. For all of that.
For your self-torture, I see the glowing eyes of the sun! The air talks to me! I am at all times!"
And maybe, the passers by will drop a coin into my cup.”
-Henry Rollins
w.o.r.d.s.
Monday, March 6, 3:44 p.m.
“I think about the meaning of pain. Pain is personal. It really belongs to the one feeling it. Probably the only thing that is your own. I like mine.”
-Henry Rollins
Today was harder than I thought it would be.
The feeling like crap is just...sticking around.
I almost feel used. I don't know if I rightfully can, but I do. I feel like...if he knew the whole time that this was just a temporary thing and that he would be leaving no matter what...and if he knew that he wasn't ever really looking for anything long term. Then, why not just say that at the start instead of giving false hopes and talking about how disappointed he'd be if we broke up just because he went to work.
I feel like he left out some pretty important information just so that he could get his jollies for awhile and then move on.
And maybe I have no right to feel that way. After all I had a say in things too. And it is probably better that we did break up, he's a nice guy but was never really a good boyfriend. I think he put it pretty well when he said he was just...lazy about relationships. Finds it hard to care.
I guess I pity his next girlfriend. Unless he has a sudden change of personality.
I think this has kind of hit me hard because for the last little while I've been feeling really alone. And this is just...confirming that feeling.
As stupid and pathetic as it sounds, I'm kind of nervous about being without a boyfriend right now. I felt like...he was the one person here that I had.
I'm a loser. I need some friends.
