w.e.l.c.o.m.e.
get around using the links on the right
leave some love on the shout box
“There are so many hammocks to catch you if you fall,
so many laws to keep you from experience.
All these cities I have been in the last few weeks make me fully understand the cozy,
stifling state in which most people pass through life.
I don't want to pass through life like a smooth plane ride.
All you do is get to breathe and copulate and finally die.
I don't want to go with the smooth skin and the calm brow.
I hope I end up a blithering idiot cursing the sun -
hallucinating, screaming, giving obscene and inane lectures on street corners and public parks.
People will walk by and say, "Look at that drooling idiot. What a basket case."
I will turn and say to them
"It is you who are the basket case. For every moment you hated your job,
cursed your wife and sold yourself to a dream that you didn't even conceive.
For the times your soul screamed yes and you said no. For all of that.
For your self-torture, I see the glowing eyes of the sun! The air talks to me! I am at all times!"
And maybe, the passers by will drop a coin into my cup.”
-Henry Rollins
w.o.r.d.s.
Sunday, April 23, 1:00 p.m.
I'll admit it too Chrystal
I admit I flop from being unhappy to happy on an hourly basis.
I admit that I dream about the future to the extent that I ignore the present.
I admit that I really really want a cat and I'm sad that my sisters boyfriend doesn't want one in the apartment.
I admit that I get really jealous of what others have.
I admit I find it easier to focus on the negative.
I admit that I secretly crave attention a lot.
I admit that I wish I had a close family.
I admit that I feel lonely a lot, especially in a crowd.
I admit I'm a really anxious person and hiding it all these years did nothing but damage.
I admit that I'm scared of a lot of things.
I admit that I'm too stubborn a lot of the time to let them get in the way.
I admit that I hate my body and my face.
I admit that I have fat days.
I admit that sometimes...I really love being tall, and I really love towering over people.
I admit that sometimes being tall makes me feel powerful.
I admit that sometimes I enjoy being a huge bitch...and I admit that I usually feel guilty after.
I admit I wish more people told me I was beautiful (shallow much?)
I admit I worry about fucking up my life and going nowhere, especially when I'm trying to go to sleep at night.
I admit watching romantic comedies is a favorite thing to do.
I admit watching Extreme Home Makeover makes me want to cry sometimes.
I admit that I wish I was a lot more charitable and I want to go to New Orleans and help rebuild houses but even that seems really impossible.
I admit I think most people are idiots and I'm always right...even thought that's rarely the case.
I admit I feel better about myself when I skip a meal.
I admit I wish I were a more spiritual person, I envy people who have that kind of support in their life, even though I think it's all a lie.
I admit I can be really really selfish and materialistic and that shopping makes me feel happy.
I admit I don't miss drinking or getting high at all anymore, and I find it boring when people talk about their fucked up exploits...I also think these people are idiots.
I admit my dad pisses me off all the time because he's totally hypocritical and likes to make people feel stupid.
I admit that my dad probably doesn't even realize what he's doing.
I admit that I feel there's nothing left for me here and I'm totally ready to move on.
I admit that I think most people were too lazy or too scared to force their dreams to come true, and now they feel the need to give out their cynical old fart point of view whenever a young person expresses that they have dreams they wish to come true.
I think these people are jealous of the youth they lost and they want to beat it out of others...
And in closing.
I admit Chrystal's blog inspired me to write this and I'm a total idea stealer.
