w.e.l.c.o.m.e.
get around using the links on the right
leave some love on the shout box
“There are so many hammocks to catch you if you fall,
so many laws to keep you from experience.
All these cities I have been in the last few weeks make me fully understand the cozy,
stifling state in which most people pass through life.
I don't want to pass through life like a smooth plane ride.
All you do is get to breathe and copulate and finally die.
I don't want to go with the smooth skin and the calm brow.
I hope I end up a blithering idiot cursing the sun -
hallucinating, screaming, giving obscene and inane lectures on street corners and public parks.
People will walk by and say, "Look at that drooling idiot. What a basket case."
I will turn and say to them
"It is you who are the basket case. For every moment you hated your job,
cursed your wife and sold yourself to a dream that you didn't even conceive.
For the times your soul screamed yes and you said no. For all of that.
For your self-torture, I see the glowing eyes of the sun! The air talks to me! I am at all times!"
And maybe, the passers by will drop a coin into my cup.”
-Henry Rollins
w.o.r.d.s.
Saturday, August 26, 9:51 p.m.
Listening To: Buckcherry - Everything
Where to begin.
I have begun doubting everything. I figure that's a good start.
Never before has my life seemed so...unreal. Distant I guess.
I'm sure I mentioned driving past Nelson on our way home...it's like that one small city threw me off course entirely and now I'm lost.
I'm all too worried that the things I think I want to do are just things that others want me to do.
I've been listening to the ideas of everyone else and trying so hard to please at least someone that I feel like I've completely lost myself.
And now there's a deadline drawing really near and I'm afraid that if I don't make the right decision now I'm going to be really unhappy.
But I don't know what the right decision is...I don't even know what all the options are.
Before it seemed really clear and really easy. But now I just don't know.
The idea of running away seems so very tempting and I'm realizing for the first time that it's a possibility. I could just leave...I don't have any real commitments anywhere to anything except a mediocre job at a store with a million people to replace me.
I don't know, sometimes I just wonder why I'm here.
Why I'm not somewhere else and what it would feel like to be doing something really different.
Sometimes I think I'm just lonely, it's been a long long time since I've had a real friend.
